Foreword: sorry if this post is all over the place. Sometimes thoughts just spew out of my fingers onto the keyboard and it gets real messy. Like please, grab some snacks wear a bib maybe pull up Wikipedia.
I remember wishing for so long for the things that I have now. Why was I constantly wishing? Wishing. That’s not the answer.
You can’t set goals for yourself and expect them to magically reach themselves without putting forth the effort, believe me, I had spent many moons kidding myself by not putting in the work that I had needed to so that I could fully grasp by life, grab that mofo by the balls, yo. My life is a hell of a lot more than my body, competing, lifting and eating; but I do find that passion does remain there and I do have goals in that aspect and I do strive for them. I need to remind myself that it’s ok to strive for aesthetic goals as well as deeper, more soulful goals. My job, my relationships, my artwork are my priorities. All important and all make me feel fulfilled, they all challenge me, change me and foster my growth. I know that making myself smaller and letting my anxieties manifest outwardly onto my body is not the answer, it never was and never will be. I’m a pretty cool person also really fuckin weird and I’m proud of how many more days I can truly say I’m proud of what I’ve worked to accomplish than not. My life is fulfilling in a way that manifests on the inside as well as the outside and I’m pretty uncomfortable with my life sometimes, but that just drives me to be more, to do more. Act, take my own advice and stop bull shitting and trying to be inspiring for others which is cool and all, but I need to be inspiring for myself fist and foremost, then maybe others will be willing to do the same for themselves. I’ve been called out on my BS and couldn’t have agreed more with my critics because I was definitely holding my true self back. The funny thing is, once I began owning my confidence, being my genuine self and acting out of my soul, the more and more my fears and irrationalities dissipated. I told myself I wanted to get my PT certification, ordered the books and let them collect dust on my nightstand for about three months. Homegirl, the book ain’t gonna read itself, take notes and shit for you ya dumbass. Wouldn’t that be awesome though let’s be honest ha. I finally got tired of my bull shit, started dedicating at least an hour (usually two) every other day to consciously read, study and take notes and gave myself a by-when to complete it (a by-when is a set date you complete something by – something I started incorporating into my life when I began working at Lululemon). I dreamed of one day speaking in public about life as a twenty-something-year old to allow people to feel not so alone like I have at times (and I know plenty of people have, 20-something or not) and to offer an opportunity for them to express what they want out of their lives and stop living in what they believe is “supposed to be”. I can proudly say I’ve finally written plans for that, shared them, got excited over them, maybe sprung a little leak over the fact that I am making this shit go down. It is on like Donkey Kong. For sure though, I still have days where I could really use a pick me up, a slap in the face and/or a swift kick right in the butthole, but don’t we all? I’m not perfect, I can’t pretend that I can offer any more than my own words, my own story and most importantly – my own actions that I have to take responsibility for, no matter if they’re mistaken or intentional, negative or positive. I need to own my life.
What’s stopping you from living the life you want for yourself inside and out?
What are you fearful of? Failure?
What would you start doing today, now, in this moment, if you knew it’d lead you to a future you’ve been imagining for yourself?
Stop imagining, stop wishing. Start creating. Tell me what you want to create. Where will you begin? I want to know. It’s incredible hearing stories, seeing things happen for other people who took those first steps towards a fulfilling life, why wouldn’t you want the same? If they can do it, so can you. You are nor below or above any other human being on this earth. Think about it.
It’s easy to tell other people what to do, it’s easy to shell out advice and to envision the same for yourself. Kind of like a mental role-play. Ultimately we know what we need to do to reach our goals and paint out what we want on our canvas, it’s just about picking up that brush and letting the first stroke flow.
F$CK YEA Drew, I feel you sister.