my life: on purpose

Sometimes it’s really hard to really articulate words that make sense about the way I feel about my life these days. If you follow me on social media you know there’s been a shift in my life over the past year or so, as well as in my thoughts, beliefs and body. It’s different; it’s been different for quite some time now and I’d like to reflect on that. Although I’ve always been known to seek out things that are fulfilling to me – especially in my early twenties – there came a point where I began to question what I was doing and why; I was questioning these things not because of my own perception of myself and my needs, but others perceptions of me. I placed my worth, my decisions and most destructively, my life in its entirety in the hands of others. Subconsciously I relied on them to make my decisions for me, to tell me what was right and what was wrong. I lived by what I thought society’s means of “reality” were and did what I thought I absolutely had to do, not necessarily what I wanted to do. I wouldn’t ever agree with the fact that you can get everything you want in life, but I do agree with the fact that you most definitely can get everything that you need. I spent quite a while enlisting myself in things that I deemed necessary to be a successful woman, when really, I was setting myself up for a life of merely existence and pretend, not living. I’ve always been a positive person but there were times where that positivity was as fake as a Barbie dolls tits. I won’t ever say I wasted this time when I was engulfed in this robot-like mode, because more than anything I am grateful that it’s lead me to where I am now: wandering, but not lost, living, but on my own terms. These terms entail failure, growth and most importantly: these terms entail purpose. It’s nice to finally smile on purpose, to be genuinely happy and in a position where I can truly say that I am a human being and I have no apologies for that. I also still really love weenies.

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Somedays I wake up and just think to myself “woah, this is my life”. Sounds so stupid, like duh, this is your life, idiot. The choices I make I have to take complete ownership for and sometimes that shit is hard. I fuck up, I’m only a human. There are things I will apologize for, claim as failures, but never mistakes because if I’ve learned anything within this past year of flux and change, nothing is a mistake if it’s productive, and all of my failures have given me so much more strength and experience. I no longer lie to myself and others about my life and my feelings, I express my weaknesses, my failures as well as my strengths and triumphs. Never let the fear of failure hold you back, because no matter what, it’s going to happen, or you’re just going to be fucking loaf of bread for the rest of your life. Stale, crusty, plain ole bread. Don’t be a loaf. Be focaccia or something, extra cheese and sun dried tomatoes.

 

I wake up each day, again, think to myself “woah, this is my life”. This empowers me to make my own decisions, take ownership of those decisions and let them provide me with results: success or solution. When shit happens, I have two choices on how to react: negatively or productively. I have definitely been guilty of swimming in my own shit before; just as disgusting as it sounds, it feels that way too. I let my feelings on the inside manifest in a way that was not only unhealthy, but totally unproductive. You can only fake it til you make it for so long…oh, and you won’t actually make it. You have to be honest with yourself and others and do hard fucking things, things that scare you, things that society tells you not to do, things that your mind tries to tell you that you don’t need to do, but in your rational head, you realize taking action matters. You have to teach yourself how to cope, how to move on and for me most importantly, how to express your feelings when you’re hurting. You are never, ever alone and the feedback from others, or just simply someone being there with an ear to listen makes a huge difference. Once I began working at Lululemon I was so afraid of myself because I let myself sit in my shit instead of cleaning it up and owning my life. I felt sorry for myself for just getting laid off (this happened in January of 2015 – over a year ago, which I had discussed in a previous blog post). I abused myself by over-exerting myself and assigning myself too many tasks to complete so that I always felt busy, I over exercised and meticulously lived day in and day out with complete control over my body in attempt to comfort my mind. This was my means of controlling something because I had felt that my life was so out of control, I needed at least something to take hold of. I had many hard talks with coworkers and friends that really pissed me off in the moment and made me feel so defensive and looked down upon, when in reality, I look back now and realize that those tough conversations were productive, they made me realize that the way I was coming across to people was not who I genuinely was as a person. These people that were giving me this feedback saw that I was struggling and questioned whether I was truly letting go of my demons. These people never gave up on me and trusted that with their support and my realizations, that I’d renew myself and live in authenticity again. No more bullshit, no more faking it. Megan is a happy, soulful and goofy person. Megan knows what she needs, what she wants, and houses the confidence and strength in her soul to attain it. Let’s be real here: who enjoys being in the presence of someone sitting in their own shit? No one. Things needed to change because not only was I destroying myself, but others as well. I began living my life for myself: making my own decisions, asking for feedback and advice when necessary, but taking it all in with a grain of salt and also a grain of love, knowing that the people in my life only want the best for me and they know who I am capable of being.

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No, I don’t work the typical Monday through Friday, 9-5 gig like most adults do, but that is definitely what I assumed I was “supposed to do” when I graduated college with a degree in graphic design. So I did, and I was miserable, but I stayed complacent because again, that’s how it’s supposed to be, right? It took getting laid off and scrambling around like a nutcase to find newness. This newness wasn’t just a new job, in these months of stress and anxiety and that feeling of failure, I lost so much, but you know what I did find? Myself. I find it easier now to stand up for myself, my life and my decisions when I know I’m empowered and completely in charge of my life. I am living on purpose. Each decision is my own, each moment is my own and I consciously live with the fact that each moment given to me is a gift. More than anything I want to give that gift away and help others realize that life doesn’t have to be miserable, you don’t have to abuse or feel sorry for yourself. Sure, you’re allowed to be sad, angry and maybe want to throw chairs and inanimate (maybe animate) objects at every-freaking-breathing-being within a twenty foot radius of you, but don’t let those emotions define you, feel them and set them free. From experience I know that I can only give that gift away by acting upon my words; I can shell out as much advice as I want, but if I’m not taking it myself and putting it into action, how dare I expect others to do so. There will always be situations in your life that are completely out of your control, you will fail and you will fall, hard. Know that, but also know that you have the power to cultivate your reaction and ask yourself revealing questions, bring awareness into your life. Reach out for help if you need it, there is nothing embarrassing about being a human being. I fuck up and there are things in this life that I will always ask for forgiveness for. That’s ok. I still drive myself up the wall sometimes asking if I’m doing enough, if I’m providing enough for myself and for others, if I’m making enough money, if I need to wax my eyebrows, if I’m present enough in peoples’ lives and if I am giving away as much love as I’m receiving. These questions, though, help keep me in check and keep me constantly asking myself the most fulfilling question of all: am I living my life on purpose?

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I will wake up tomorrow and relish in the fact that I have the gift of a new day given to me. Every moment is my decision and being well aware of the fact that God has a plan for me and that I will never be a perfect person gives me peace. I will walk with my head up high knowing that I am responsible for myself, my actions, reactions and my appearance. Gone are the days where I carelessly flounder and do things “because I’m supposed to”. I am certainly not a loaf of bread, I am a fancy ass slice of focaccia with extra cheese and sun-dried tomatoes. I wing my eyeliner like a fuckin’ boss (unless I’ve had too much coffee), I dress myself in clothes I feel the most comfortable in and rock the shit out of some shoes (new obsession…RIP wallet..) and scarves, I compete in a little teeny bikini and heels high enough to potentially fuck up my face every now and then and I am a human. I am on this earth for a purpose and so are you, never forget that.

help! my face is flipping the f*ck out!

When I was a teenager, I remember flipping frantically through the pages of Seventeen magazine, searching for the article I saw featured on the cover: “Zap Your Zits NOW!!”. Ok, so maybe those weren’t the exact words, but it was something along those lines and man, did I ever wanna zap those mother f*ckers. Maybe I overreacted about my situation at the time, but let’s be honest here, when you’re fifteen years old and you just started creeping on boys AIM profiles, putting up subtle hints using lyrics in your away messages, bleeding out of your vagina, discovering that secret that Victoria had been hiding from you (what a whore!) about the fantasy land of drawers upon drawers of magic contraptions that make your boobs instantly increase ten times in size, the last thing you could ever want is red, juicy lady lumps ON YOUR FACE. The struggle is real. I remember reading every ounce of information I could find on how to get my face back to it’s baby butt soft state pre-puberty. Scrubbing my face like it was a dirty dish in hopes that it would magically revert back to it’s smoothness. P.s. don’t do that. Ever. And here I am at 26, still dealing with lady lumps on my face and lack thereof on my chest, but that’s a topic for another day. Moral of this story: acne doesn’t end when you enter adulthood. However, there are a few things I’ve learned to combat the issue so it’s not really a huge deal anymore, and I don’t have to rely on some of the bat shit crazy methods that I did when I was younger. Here’s what I do when my skin decides to lose it’s marbles:

 

Chill out and prioritize rest. Seriously, stress is known to cause inflammation. Inflammation is exactly what acne is; your pores get inflamed, clogged and thus that magical mound of pus appears. Gross. Give yourself time each day to just freaking chill, as hard and as impossible as that seems, try to schedule me-time everyday to do something that puts your mind and body at ease. We live in a world where it’s ingrained in our heads that we have to be constantly go-go-go! But that’s how things get messy, we forget things, we make mistakes and stress out, that’s just life. Make sure you’re getting adequate sleep at night and if sleeping is a problem for you, I recommend seeking help or getting yourself some melatonin, valerian or l-theanine to relax your brain and help you fall and stay asleep.

 

Don’t overtreat your skin. I know it’s a hard concept to grasp, but don’t get aggressive with your skincare. Don’t go balls to the walls and purchase every “acne-fighting” cosmetic and/or treatment that you can get your hands on. Stick with the basics and give them time, patience, consistency and being gentle are going to be the keys to your best skin. Scrubbing, overtreating and applying too many medications to your skin is just going to cause your skin to produce more oil (more on oil in a sec), inflame and flare up.

 

Stick with a consistent routine as mentioned above. For me, that means using the same cleanser day and night (I use Cetaphil cleanser at the moment or a generic bar of soap – if you think about it, cleanser is not on your face for more than about 30 seconds, so don’t prioritize any specific acne-fighting ingredients in it, because they’re just being washed off anyway). For a moisturizer, I currently use Lush Magical Moringa aka Magical Mangina mixed with rosehip oil  (find this at Whole Foods or online) as well as a little bit of Clinique’s Moisture Surge during the day. Oils are your friend; a lot of people stray away from them in fear of them clogging pores or causing a greasy look. While that may be the case for some oils, most are going to be super beneficial to your skin. They help hydrate and encourage cell turnover in your skin and are typically gentle. My personal favorite is rosehip oil because it reduces inflammation, helps treat acne scarring and does a bangin job of moisturizing my skin. Magical Moringa does an awesome job of prepping my skin for makeup as well as hydrating it. If I am breaking out or about to start my period, I’ll also add in tea tree oil and a tiny bit of salycilic acid – two natural, gentle ingredients that – when not overused – can really make a difference. I also prioritize facial masks at least twice a week. Love Lettuce is my current favorite because it exfoliates. Exfoliation is not something you want to do everyday, your skin does a good enough job of that itself as long as you’re cleansing morning and evening, you should only really be giving your skin a gentle scrub down maybe once or twice a week, in my opinion.

 

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Eat well. This is a no brainer, really. When you’re lacking in nutrients, your whole body suffers, obviously, but your skin definitely takes a huge hit. Prioritize more than macronutrients. Focus on micronutrients, fill up on foods that are high in fats (coconut oil, avocados, fatty fish, etc.), free of too much refined sugars (which cause inflammation in excess) and foods that are high in a vast range of nutrients. Basically, eat your fruits, veggies and don’t fear fat. Supplement with vitamins if you feel that your diet is lacking and maybe invest in a greens powder if you aren’t a huge fan of vegetables – spirulina and kelp are two great resources that you can easily find in supplement form that are chock full of nutrients. There are certain medications that doctors can prescribe as well, but for now I’m just discussing the less severe cases of bitch skin.

 

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Keep in mind that you’re always beautiful. Omgggg gag me, I know that phrase has been hammered into our heads for so long that it’s kind of lost it’s meaning and importance, which is sad, but I try to bring it back in a different aspect for myself. People see you as a whole, they love you for who you are, not necessarily what you look like. There is always something to physically admire about someone, ALWAYS, but there is also always many, many things to admore about someone spiritually as well. Whether you believe it or not, chances are you’re really the only one that sees your problem areas, and if one of those is your skin, do what you can to make yourself feel better about it. Vanity is a huge thing in our society and being comfortable in your own skin is so damn hard sometimes, so it’s super important to remain conscious of the fact that your skin and your body are the vessel for your soul, remember that and respect it, but don’t doubt the fact that how you look on the outside definitely makes you feel good on the inside. It’s ok to want to look good. It’s not ok to constantly pick apart pieces of yourself and aim so hard for perfection that you forget what matters. Love on yourself, grab your tits, take a bath, make yourself feel like a queen. Or king, whatever.

What are some of your skin care faves or tips? I’d love to hear.

Xo

Meg

think before you eat.

If you know me, you’re well aware that I always have a variety of snacks stocked in my purse aka the black hole of all black holes. My purse is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to pull out! Somedays all I want is to innocently pull out my car keys, but God has other plans for me and would love to show the world that I’m either a) on my period and come equipped with tampons of every size, texture and scent; b) a member of the mafia, equipped and ready to take on any unsuspecting enemy with my plastic fork collection or c) an obsessive Target shopper (ok…this might be the most accurate) and I must make sure my collection is up to date with the latest chapstick, glittery lip gloss, a miniature wiener dog magnet and a mini case of Wet Wipes in case someone around me shits their pants so I can catapult them in their general direction, barf and run. Or maybe a little bit of breakfast (that I was obviously saving for later) roasted a little too long on the collar of my shirt or scarf fold. Whatever. One thing that I will always be able to pull out of that black hole of a bag is my snacks; lately, I’ve discovered a new portable edible: think jerky.

 

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Growing up, my uncle hunted deer and made the best deer jerky ever. I haven’t tasted a more tender, flavorful jerky than his until now. I’m a hard critic when it comes to beaten meat, and this stuff takes the cake for me. Every flavor is hand crafted by one of a carefully selected batch of chefs that are world-renowned and famous for their culinary expertise and food (duh). You can meet those chefs here. Unfortunately my uncle isn’t featured quite yet.

 

Each bag has 100 calories, 16g protein, 4g sugar and lower sodium than any other brand that I’ve had. Most jerky brands these days have upwards of 14g+ of sugar and enough sodium to cover your costume as the Michelin Tire man for next Halloween. Seriously, though, jerky can be healthy and a satisfying, beneficial snack if you find a way to make it so! Ricky over at think jerky has formulated just that. His passion is one I want to share with my readers.

 

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I’d love for you to try my new favorite snack, too, and tell me your thoughts! It’s really great paired with meals, too. I’ve had it sprinkled on eggs; check out the @thinkjerky Instagram and website for more ideas.

 

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Order yourself some and get a discount at checkout by using the code Megmo!

 

Happy snacking.

 

Xo

Meg

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